i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
