When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
