you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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