i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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