Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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