its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this just has baby written all over it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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