Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Randomize
