you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
