My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
