Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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