I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
