Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
