My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
