Someone shit on the floor
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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