So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
