Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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