Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize