his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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