How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
