Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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