I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
