I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
