none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
