a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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