Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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