I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
