I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
God, I missed his penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
