He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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