So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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