i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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