distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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