we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.