And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.