why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD