Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.