I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
