You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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