There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
