Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
