bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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