I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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