you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
