420 ftw
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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