Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
