i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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