We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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