I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
