Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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