WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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