just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They took my balls.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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