Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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