were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
