I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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