What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize