some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
