Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
