If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
