we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
