is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
