i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
