I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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