I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
