I am in a vortex of obligation.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
