last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
