fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
