I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
