either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
