Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
