I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
