Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
