At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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