i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
