Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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