I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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